Diversion - I'm Not Expressly Self Serving

The other day I popped into WH Smith’s at Charing Cross having the need for a spot of chocolate, a sip of Fanta lemon and a quick squiz through the Times. By the time I left the store a few minutes later my mind was racing with thoughts about ‘express’ lanes and self serve ‘tills’. Oh trust me, you pop into a shop with me and you’ll leave a different person (maybe even with a different person).  

The situation was that the service till was out of action so you could only use the self serve number. This was clearly signposted, not at each entrance (of which there are three), not even at the entrance to the ‘race’ where you choose to queue for the robots or the real person (the one what offers ‘service’) but on the till itself. That is to say (and say it I shall) the revelation isn’t revealed until you get to the front of the queue and are on the border of service and self service.

Now I’m not one, although it seems quite fashionable, to walk into a museum, or sit down at a restaurant or get to the front of a queue and then ask questions like ‘are you open’, ‘is this the way in’ etc etc. So, I turned to the young lady in the WH Smith uniform before entering the ‘race’, waited a few polite seconds whilst she caught up on her workmates life and then charged in with ‘is the service till open?’. Well, apparently it had been a day of storm offs, heavy sighs and maybe a few terse words. The corners of her eyes tightened, a slight puff of air came out, she fixed me squarely in the eye and said ‘you’ll have to use the self serve’. Taking a breath myself (inwardly though) I offered ‘I don’t want to use them’. Emergency, emergency, old git alert. ‘You have to go there and use them, the till is out of order’. I moved to replace my items on the shelves as she rather sharply, as if I’d arked up in some way, offered ‘there is a sign’, ‘oh where?’ She pointed vaguely in the general direction but I spotted it ‘pity I came in the other way and not right to the till isn’t it?’ And thusly I left.

It was really no big deal, I probably wouldn’t have minded a less sharp tone and even an apology for it being a nuisance (I’m sure it was one for her)but in the end it was only a drink and a paper PLUS a choccy so who gives a?

So now we are helpless when our computers lock up or shutdown, our internet connection slows down to dial up days speed or altogether, our mobile phone isn’t ‘in range’, our digital TV ‘sticks’ or we can’t afford to pay the exorbitant amount to get a new key for our car. Add to the list the service till not being able to service us and we are coltishly shamed into using the self serves.

I actually don’t mind a sultry self serve. It makes sense at a petrol station, although I quite like finding a ‘driveway service’ outlet so I can request ‘can you check theoil and water for me please?’ I’m not even averse to it at supermarkets although I don’t like the consequences. It is seldom any faster than queuing up at the 12 items or less (not MY grammar error readers) line, an ‘unexpected bag error’ or ‘call for assistance’ moment will always hold you up whereas Nelly as the express line just scans it all through, bags it for you and away you go. I don’t like that there are less staffed checkouts now, you don’t like it? Go self serve or get behind the shopper who is doing the groceries for herself and all her relatives plus the old people’s home up the road and every second item is not’reading’. I get really annoyed if the express queue isn’t open, that’s just tardy.

But what really sticks in my craw about self serve is that I am doing the work, bagging, scanning, weighing my heart off and it isn’t any cheaper than if I line up. How can that be? Why is there no discount for self serve? Maybe $1 off would suffice or a few bonus reward points. Otherwise is showing how clever I can be enough of a benefit?

So all these little time saving ‘efficient’ (probably known as ‘economies of scale cost efficient time minimizing spends’) are delightful but I just see them as me doing the work someone who is far better trained used to get paid to do and I pay the same as I did when they did it and when something goes wrong they are no longer around or able to ‘go manual’.

And, again, we call it progress and think we are so clever.